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July 18, 2002 - Thursday | 10:30 PM, CST
My "interview" was more of just coming in and making everything official. Had to go sign papers, review policies, etc. Needed to give her all my certificates of completion for med training, DHS training, DSP training, first aid and CPR, TB tests, HS diploma, CPI cards, firmness of erectile tissue, coarseness of anal hair, the whole works.
The lady was excited that they were only gonna have to do floor training at the CILA I'll be working. Apparantly, the way it sounds, I won't even have to switch between Main and Mulberry. I'll be doing full time work at Mulberry only, which means I'll be training with Melinda.
It was kind of wierd, today, because I made sure that all the residents knew I was leaving, and in doing so, it brought a note of finality to everything. Like... now that everyone knows, its so much more set in stone. I know its odd to mention it, but it made me think a little.
Another thing that I've been thinking about lately is peoples' relationships with each other, and how my particular "ethic" and self-standards hold up.
Everyone else seems to be talking about this, so here's the deal: what constitutes a "fake" kind of person? Its mostly a more specific type of behavior that has gotten me curious lately, and I of course have to ask myself "Am I a fake for any reason?" and "If I'm around a 'fake,' then how do I know they're not being 'fake' with me?"
For example, if you know that a certain person trash talks you behind your back, and you do the same to them, then why would you want to hang out with them? If you simply hang around them for gossip or information, doesn't that make you a fake? I've always thought it did.
And if for some reason you actually like the person, fine. But be honest about it, right? Don't go telling everyone else all that person's secrets and bad mouthing them, saying that you only hang out with them for "information." If you actually like the person, don't lie about it. Dishonesty is even worse.
It reminds me of the saying "Once a cheater, always a cheater," to describe philandering spouses and partners. If you know a person cheats on their partner, then you should damn well know better not to get into a relationship with them. If you know a person has numerous enemies, but they hang out with them frequently and only tell you that they are around for the "information" then why should you trust telling them any of your concerns, if thats how they treat people when they supposedly don't like them. Do they just feel they can only be "cool" and popular with a certain group if they hate another person? Are they simply that kind of person?
Because then you have to think "Does that person really like me, or are they just using me for 'information'?" Do they try to build a connection of trust, only so they can go behind my back and tell all of their friends my secrets and fears to make themselves seem more loyal to that group?
Everyone has grievances about their friends from time to time that don't necessarily call for sitting down face to face and having a serious discussion. And believe it or not, its even a little healthy, in my opinion, to some griping now and again. "I just hate how so and so always does that!" etc. Where do you draw the line?
When do you dislike a person enough to simply say to yourself "I no longer wish to be around this person"? When does the griping stop and the real, disloyal trash talking begin? Its hard to say, and its been making me wonder lately. When do you have to take sides in a matter, instead of just telling both parties you're neutral, while feeding information to the one and keeping tabs on the other for your own personal gain?
They say you should always keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. Depending on how you interpret that, I take it to mean that you should keep tabs on your enemies. Acting like your enemy's friend and being nice to them to their face, while trash talking them behind their back, no matter how rotton of a person that enemy happens to be, always has made me think the whole "friends close and enemies closer" scenario is bullshit.
To me, that makes a person a fake.
The problem is, though, I've been recognizing this trait in some people, and I find myself being exceptionally rude and hostile to them. It drives me crazy, because I can't stand that kind of behavior. And its also on my mind constantly "Are they just here to glean what they can get?"
I dunno.
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