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January 20, 2004 - Tuesday | 7:57 AM, CST
Several questions are probably going through your mind right now. They might include:
- How did you get to be so damned attractive?
- How can I be as attractive as you?
- If I were wanting to catch a glimpse of your penis, what would be an opportune time?
- How do you intend on finding the Silent City of Alaska?
- Why in God's name haven't you updated in so long?
Well my friends, the answers are simple. And to make them even easier to read, I've arranged them in the same order in which they've been asked. There may be a quiz coming up, so I'd take careful notes if I were you. Did I dot all my i's? Cross my t's?
- Although heredity had some role in my stunning good looks and magnetic charm, the smooth grace and pimpmanship which I exude at every turn far exceeds the leverage of genetics I have over one and all.
- Simply put, you can't.
- If you want to catch a glimpse of me nude, you will probably need to stay the night at my house during the weekend. I have a guest bedroom and numerous spots on my floors to sleep. Andy and Gary spend the night at my house almost every weekend, and I don't believe that a single morning goes by without one of them seeing my junk.
- The Silent City of Alaska, you ask? Yes. In order for you to understand what I'm talking about, I will give a quote:
In the summer of 1897 the duke of Abruzzi led an expedition to Mount St. Elias, in a glacial region near the Alaskan coast. There they searched out the "Silent City of Alaska," a mirage that many prospectors and Indians had reported seeing over a glacier. C.W. Thornton, a member of the expedition, later wrote: "It required no effort of the imagination to liken it to a city, but was so distinct that it required, instead, faith to believe that it was not in reality a city." Earlier another spectator had written in The New York Times: "We could plainly see houses, well-defined streets, and trees. Here and there rose tall spires over huge buildings which appeared to be ancient mosques or cathedrals." Some people believed the apparition to be an image of Bristol, England, which is 2,500 miles across the pole from the site of the extraordinary mirage. Its appearance was reported each year between June 21 and July 10. (Quarterly Journal of the Royal Meteorological Socity, 27:158-59, April 1901)
So now you know about the Silent City of Alaska. Well, my first order of business would be ideally to win the lottery. I would then secure my own large camper, and after hiring Andy and Art as my entourage, set out to find just where in the heck this Mount St. Elias is actually located. We would make our way at the appointed time, setting our camper up at night in Wal-Mart parking lots. In case you didn't know, any camper can stay the night in any Wal-Mart parking lot free of charge. Sometimes they'll even bring you out coffee. Thats thier policy (Source: Playboy). So anyway, I figure you probably can't go more than a few hundred miles without seeing a Wal-Mart, even in the frozen Arctic which is Canada and Alaska. With a means of transportation, shelter, and temporary lodging, we should be set for quite an adventure. Did I mention we'd wear pith helmets? We would.
But yes, anyway, thats my plan. Any other volunteers?
- I haven't updated in so long because I've lost my camera. On it I have several fascinating pictures of holiday break, including Andy's impromptu surgury on my back. I will not go into further details on this encounter until I have photos to sustain my gory details. That is why with this journal entry you will receive no pictures, merely tales of adventure and merriment.
In other news, I got to fight my first structure fire the other day. It was definately an experience. You must really fight the urge not to panic when you have an air pack on your back and you are groping blindly through the smoke in unfamiliar surroundings. The first thing that comes to mind, naturally (for me at least, since I don't have much experience with going inside) is "Hey stupid, you're inside a burning house! Go the other way!"
With the adrenaline making your heart pound and your breath quicken, your body soon exceeds the need for oxygen that your air pack is giving you. So you start to breath harder and quicker, gulping for air which isn't forthcoming. The feeling of not being able to breath, when you have all this heavy gear on and can't see a thing has quite the claustrophobic effect. I had to calm myself and think hard in order to stay focused. As I said before, it was definately an experience, but it makes me want to learn more.
Oh yes, I also added more random grokkings! There are now a total of 171 messages.
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grokkings
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The high powered rifles I own can punch through a cop's bullet-proof vest like it was tinfoil. I like that. (Thats a sick joke, all you dumb mother fuckers who are trying to write me off as a dangerous psycho.)
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