August 25, 2004 - Wednesday | 6:24 PM, CST

You know, I was at work the other day, and a new guy came up and asked me "So, what do you do for fun?"

"You mean here at work, or at home?" I asked.

"At home."

I thought for a minute. "Um... Well. I... uh... Well... recently I mowed the yard."

This brought a painful light to the fact that my summer hasn't been as exciting as I'd hoped it would be. But hopefully, this entry will be kind of fun, because about a month ago, I received the following e-mail:

Email from site

Sender's name: MARC GOTTSCHALK
Sender's email: marcgottschalk_9@hotmail.com

Message:
Hey faggot!!
Are you so much into yourself that you've gone to the extent of having a website about--you?? Who give's a fuck about your ugly ass, anyway? When I started looking at this pathetic little attempt, I thought "This has to be a 14-year old little punk with nothing to do", but when I saw the pictures of a grown adult with this stupid waste of electricity, you've proven that your simply a grown punk without an education and obviously your just using daddy's money to entertain yourself because you've jacked yourself off enough to boredom. Get a fucking degree, get a fucking job, looser!!! Who gives a fuck about you, you self-involved looser? I'm sure someday I'll be paying you prison cell nice and comfy, you future inmate!!

Now, usually, as most people know, when I get an e-mail like this, I usually make them a little thank you note for writing. Nothing special, just a little blurb on the site to let them know I appreciated their comments. Remember George Walker? Oh yes. Here was my reply to him:

Hi Marc!

Thanks for the lovely message you sent me about a month ago. Since you seemed angry that I had "wasted" so much electricity on a website devoted entirely to myself, I decided to do you a favor and develop a website devoted (almost) entirely to you! You can go to www.alcade.net/me/ to take a peek. Or take a peek in the archives at www.alcade.net/me/journal/20040825.htm if the entry is no longer posted on the main page.

Thanks again for writing, please forgive the lateness of my reply.

Sincerely,
-- Matthew Havens
(the faggot)

I always enjoy when someone e-mails me berating my immaturity and wastefulness on a website, on my self-involvement and what not, and begins their message with the line "Hey faggot!!" You know they've got a lot of good intelligent things to say when they have an opener like that, right?

Since no one "gives a fuck about my ugly ass," I decided to see if this statement was true. You can too if you head over to http://www.alcade.net/webalizer/.

Looking at the graph titled "Summary by Month" you will note that in the month of July, 7,515 people visited my site for a total of 53,249 hits. But May seems to be the record, with 8,796 people visiting my website for a total of 60,793 hits.

To answer your question, Marc, apparantly around nine thousand people give a fuck about my ugly ass. Now seriously Marc, what kind of fourteen year old is really going to have the financial resources to purchase a domain name and server hosting? Oh yes, their daddy! Since I have paid for my domain and server by myself, I thought "Now, surely then my daddy must have bought everything else I own so I can waste that kind of money on a website." Looking around, I really can't find anything that my daddy bought me that would do that.

Oh... wait! Yes, thats right. Dad did buy me a lawnmower as a housewarming present. Surely that must be it... (Marc: I have included a picture of my lawnmower for verification purposes).

And finally, I love how in the same sentence charging me with not having an education he misuses the word "you're"... twice!

So, in closing, Marc, I hope that now that you have your own little place on the net devoted entirely to you, you'll be able to sit back and relax and not waste so much of everyone's time with your incoherent ramblings.

Well... actually... it does give the rest of us something to laugh about. So keep those e-mails coming!

grokkings

Sidewalk chalk is fun. I always carry a few sticks of it in my car.

different crap

Ghost hunting    7/23/02

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