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November 1, 2004 - Monday | 5:36 PM, CST
I received the following e-mail this afternoon:
Email from site
Sender's name: Bernard Chang
Sender's email: new live@outgun.com
Message:
To whom it concern,
I would like introduce myself Bernard Chang work as General Manager New live CV
Our company needed some product, and i have been search in your website that
you have product i looking for.
For detail here's my inquiry :
Auto Meter 5899 5" Phantom Shift Lite Tachometer for 40 Unit
I am hopelly between us have some good connection in the future,
Please give me your best price for that product,
For your information this product will be delivery to Singapore and i hope
your's company policy can handle international delivery and take payment in
advance using credit card (MasterCard and VISA).
I looking forward your reply.
Thank You,
Bernard Chang
General Manager
New live CV.
Now, as this nice gentleman states, he has been searching my website, and has found a similarity in products. I assume that he is referring to my invention of a Zachometer (patent pending!), which I created a little over two years ago. Unfortunately, until now, there has not been a market for this invention that would necessitate the mass production and distribution of such an item. But I feel that if I could capture this Singapore market, my long awaited goals of an international business empire (which would serve as a front for some sort of as yet unrealized sinister plan) would finally be realized.
I have replied with the following letter:
Dear Sir,
Thank you for your kind e-mail showing interest in my product. As I'm sure you are aware from its
description from my website, a Zachometer works be detecting the pheremones emitted by Zach when he is
in heat (a state Zach remains in throughout the year). These pheremones are located in the neck area on all
Zach's, are are usually trapped in their dense beards.
A Zachometer works much like a Geiger counter, with a small amount of processed radioactive materials
(shielded from the operator of the device for safety reasons) which was mined from Alcade, Inc.'s mineral
holdings in Uranium City, Canada.
The only problem I can see will be trying to convince Zach to submit DNA samples for cloning in my labs.
Although a very small part of Zach's DNA is required to operate and calibrate a Zachometer, I feel that if we
are going to build a market for these devices, we should probably have more Zachs around for people to use
them on. I will do research on this to obtain the DNA samples (permission, lab equipment, etc.), as well as
compile charts and graphs that are based on as yet unproved market trends which will contain no factual evidence
whatsoever.
Have a nice day, and keep in touch. I look forward to doing business with you and your company.
Sincerely,
Matthew Havens
President and CEO, Alcade, Inc.
Zachometer Division
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Beard leavings
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As I mentioned in my letter, obtaining DNA samples should be my first order of business. I don't believe this will be hard, since obtaining any of Zach's beard leavings is so simple a child could do it. I believe that at least one garbage bag full of leavings should produce us with enough DNA material to produce a sizable market sample for shipment overseas. The next problem, will of course be obtaining Zach's permission. Based on the ICQ transcripts below, I feel that I have enough of a legal and binding contract to go forth with my plans.
<Alcade> I'm gonna make me some money off of you.
<Viking> how?
<Alcade> You'll see. Just sign below on the dotted line.
__________________
Zachary C. Meadows
<Viking> fuck that; you could be selling me out as a cheap whore
<Alcade> I will consider that implied consent.
Now that everything is in full swing, I can begin production and wait for the good word from my business partners in Singapore.
In other news, the scavenger hunt went extremely well. I very much enjoyed this year's. I think it was much better than last year's hunt, although I still did enjoy the one Jodie put on last year. It reminds me of the first scavenger hunt I did, and everyone was too pussy to drive out to Crescent City. Although it was partly my fault for not having a clue in place at the right moment...
But anyways, after I did my scavenger hunt so many years ago, I bought a whole bunch of plastic Easter eggs for use in making an Easter egg hunt. I still have them. If I had an Easter egg hunt, say... around Thanksgiving... would anyone be interested in attending? Let me know.
After Saturday's scavenger hunt, Nathan and I took Marissa out helling in my truck, as she had never before been out slogging through the mud. I think she enjoyed the reddening of her neck.
I also think that I should start charging a nominal fee for party advertisement. This should cover the cost of the advertisement and bandwidth usage. But I think I will be pretty flexible with my fees. Let me know.
Thats all to report for now.
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