July 22, 2005 - Friday | 8:25 AM, CST

The human body ceases to amaze me. Mine, to be specific, that is. Why, you ask? Well, because I am a guy who likes to sleep. Not oversleep, because I consider it a waste to be laying in bed all day. A nice, even, eight-hour sleep is what puts me in the best of mind.

So why, then, would I wake up naturally after only five or six hours of sleep nearly every day? One minute I'm asleep, the next I'm wide enough awake its like I've just consumed an entire pot of highly supercharged caffeinated coffee. And then I'm up for the rest of the day! Oh, but if I try to lay down at eight or nine o'clock, I'll lay in bed tossing and turning until just a few minutes before its time to leave for work.

Then, the Z's start coming at me as if I were a magnet. Nevermind the fact that the alarm clock with start ringing in three minutes.

Gah! Can't you tell that I'm rambling? You should see me type right now. I'm misspelling just about every second or third word. Its because I've only slept five hours a night for the past week. But guess what? In five hours, I'll wake up and be so ready to go for the day that I won't be able to close my eyes again.

This is Communism at its worst!

Speaking of Communism... ever notice how just about every old coot in the world has to mow their grass once or twice a week, and so short that its dead by the end of the summer? Its like all the seniors sit around drinking coffee in the area restaurants betting on whose lawn will be dead and yellowed first. Winner gets a new John Deere riding mower.

This morning I was coming home from work, and my neighbor, who is not only in his seventies or eighties, and was crazy to begin with, passes me as I'm pulling into the driveway. Now this is the neighbor, who at nearly eighty years old, mows the ditches for nearly a quarter mile in each direction of his house... with a push mower! He mows a thin strip bordering the road and my lawn, and he keeps the blade so low that after a few passes, all thats left is a mutulated section of dead grass stubble.

So anyway, he takes one look at my yard, then one look at me and turns his head in disgust.

You wanna know why? Because I haven't mowed my grass in five or six weeks! And you wanna know what? My grass is green! Ha ha! Thats because I'd rather have my yard look scruffy and green than orderly and yellow.

Its been raining a lot this week (compared to what it has been), and I'm gonna mow this weekend. And when I do, not only will I have a nice orderly lawn, it'll be the only green one for miles.

Soon I will be unstoppable!

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