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January 24, 2006 - Tuesday | 7:53 AM, CST
So Bryan shows up at Mom's last night with fifteen minutes before work. "Its about time you got here, I was going to leave without you," I say to him. He's not going to work, he says. Just got up, he says. Didn't even pack a lunch, he says.
"You should call off too."
He says.
Well... I start to think up some reasons why I shouldn't. "C'mon, we'll do something fun." Well... I guess I could... I haven't missed a day of work since October when I went to the fire academy. So why not? We've always talked about just taking off one night, driving until we get tired, and finding a place to camp out for the night. So, yeah, I called off.
We started the night off by going to his house. Bryan had to call the Ol' Ball and Chain, which I think took a lot less time than I perceived, because I played with his German Shepherd until she was tired and I was exhausted. I think that if I had enough space to have a dog of my own, I'd probably lose a good hundred pounds within the first few months just from playing. Assuming of course the dog had as much energy as Bryan's.
From there, we took the dog on a long car ride out in the country. Bryan has been complaining that he never goes out cruising in the country anymore, a by-product he blames on the result of growing older and purchasing a nicer vehicle that isn't as gravel-friendly as an old beater.
Country roads driving is something that I have, fortunately, not given up due to age. I go out driving probably once or twice a week. If not with Kelly, then after I take her home on Saturday nights.
Bryan got tired of driving after about an hour. Myself? I only get tired of driving when I can't watch the road anymore, or when I run low on gas, whichever comes first. Do you ever get the feeling that if you drive long enough on lonely dirt roads, you'll catch up to the memories lost to the wind a hundred years before you existed? I'm writing you a book about it, Andy.
After we got done driving, we dropped off the dog and drove to Kankakee for some three in the morning IHOP. The last time we tried going to IHOP late at night, our group consisted of Bryan, Kelly, and myself. Everyone else had something to do or just didn't want to get out of the house. My first experience with the new IHOP was very pleasant, in spite of the lack of enthusiasm from my peers. We went again last Saturday, this time during the day, and got to listen to someone a few booths down complaining because he couldn't smoke inside the restaurant. "Its my constitutional right to smoke!" he told the waitress. I'd have gotten a lot of satisfaction from hitting him, but what can you do? I found a kernel of corn cooked into one of my pancakes. I pointed this out to the waitress, who asked if I'd like another. I looked down at my empty plate with the corn kernel on it and said "If it had bothered me, I wouldn't have picked it out and continued eating." She laughed, and presented our bill. My coupon wasn't accepted, only on weekdays.
Last night's IHOP waiter could have been brothers with the Slob I met at the doctor's office the other day.
Me: I'd like an order of all you can eat pancakes
You'll notice that I didn't put end punctuation on that last sentence. Thats because I was interrupted.
Slob 2: Ok so do you want the all you can eat pancakes with two sausage and two eggs, or the regular all you can eat pancakes?
Me: I'd like just the regular pancakes with
Turning to Bryan
Slob 2: And what would you like, sir?
Bryan: I'd like the regular all you can eat pancakes, with an order of hashbrowns.
Me: Can I have hashbrowns too?
Did I mention the waiter isn't even writing any of this down?
Me: I also want a cheeseburger with lettuce, onions, and
Slob 2: So you want a cheeseburger with no lettuce and onions?
Me: No... I want a cheeseburger, that includes only lettuce, onions, ketchup, and mustard.
The Slob finally takes out his notepad and begins writing.
Slob 2: Ok so you want a cheeseburger with only lettuce, onions, and tomatoes.
Me: No! No tomatoes! Just give me a cheeseburger, with lettuce and onions. I'll do the ketchup and mustard myself. OK??
Slob 2: Ok, I got it.
Our order came out shortly afterwards, and my cheeseburger was surprisingly without tomatoes, but unsurprisingly included mayonaise. I pointed this out to the waiter, who offered to bring it back and have it fixed. Thinking of the my earlier problems just ordering the damn thing, I said I'd deal with it and shooed him away. He was back about a minute later, after Bryan and I had eaten perhaps one or two bites of our pancakes, asking if we wanted more. This continued throughout the meal, until I did, in fact, want more. "Just two though, I'm pretty full."
He brought me five more, and luckily Bryan was hungry otherwise they'd have gone to waste. Normally I'm a very good tipper. Not tonight. No sir.
After IHOP, Bryan and I drove across the street to Wal-Mart, thinking it was open twenty-four hours. We were wrong, but we did find a set of keys (which included a keyless remote) in the parking lot. After trying, and failing, to unlock the doors of the remaining cars in the lot, we left it on the door handle and hoped someone would be alert enough to see them in the morning. The K-Mart was open twenty-four hours, and we went inside for a look around. Although we didn't purchase anything, we did take turns depositing some steaming platters of digested meals behind in the bathrooms. (I flushed, I wouldn't venture to guess whether Bryan followed suite).
When we arrived home, we watched "Falling Down." If I was to venture a guess about anything in this entry, I'd say the main character had been to IHOP one too many times.
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