|
I wrote this after watching a Sally Jessie Raphael episode at work. I sent it to the ASFAR list.
Satan Jessie Raphael
Yesterday, while slacking off at work, I turned the TV to Sally Jessie
Raphael. It was about "MY TEEN'S SECRET LIFE!"
The synopsis is a bunch of alcoholic teens tripped out on crack.
The discussion then shifted to how the teens got alcohol. Satan Jessie
Raphael blamed it on stores selling to those evil minors.
Satan Jessie Raphael then invited a guest on to the stage. He was a
government official from Texas. He began drawling out in his
unintelligible suthun' accent about how selling to an evil minor was a
"class A misdemeanor." Thats bad stuff. Anyone in the state of Texas
who sells the demon brew to an evil minor will be arrested, and
thoroughly spanked with this man's belt.
Next, Satan Jessie Raphael showed clips of top secret under cover sting
operations whereby an evil minor, POSING as a seemingly ordinary adult over 21,
went into a store and attempted to purchase the demon brew. It showed
one clerk look around suspiciously after the evil minor (the one posing
as a seemingly ordinary adult wishing to purchase an alcoholic beverage)
put the 12 pack onto the counter. The clerk sold the alcohol to the
evil minor, and was arrested.
Next, we were shown another evil minor at a separate location. This
clerk asked to see the evil minor's ID. The clerk, being an adult and
possessing more superior intelligence than the evil minor, asked the evil
minor what month his birthdate is "what month is this?," as she looked
at the evil minor's ID. The evil minor replied "September." The clerk
(the one possessing superior intelligence) then took the ID to a
location at the back of the counter, near a microwave. Possibly to
confer with the electrical device over the legality of selling the demon
brew to an evil minor. The microwave informed the clerk (the one
possessing superior intelligence) that this was a bad thing to do, and
if she followed through with the purchase, she would be throughly
spanked with a belt belonging to a man who appears on talk shows and
speaks with a suthun' accent.
The clerk (the one possessing superior intelligence) then took the evil
minor's ID to the front of the store and handed it back to the evil
minor. She then informed the evil minor that he was not allowed to
purchase the demon brew.
The clip then faded out and was replaced by a smiling Satan Jessie Raphael and the
man with the belt who spoke in a suthun' accent on the stage of the
show. Satan Jesse Raphael said "so this clerk didn't sell to the
minor?"
"No, maa'aam."
[Audience roars with applause]
Satan Jessie Raphael smiles, and says "Thank you for being a guest on our
show, we think you are doing a wonderful job in Texas."
[Audience roars with applause]
"Thank you, maa'aam."
|